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The Martoma siblings know first-hand what it is like to live with parental incarceration; five years ago their father was sentenced to serve 9 years in a facility that is approximately an hour-and-a-half away from their home. In the wake of his incarceration, they were inspired to create a safe and supportive space for children and their families to learn more about parental incarceration. Enter KidsMates, a non-profit organization that they co-founded with the help of their mother to advocate for children of incarcerated parents.
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I spoke with Joshua, Ava, and David to learn more about their experience with visiting and the challenges they face, growing up as children with an incarcerated parent.
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Joshua Martoma
Age 14
Ava Martoma
Age 13
David Martoma
Age 10
Q: What was your favorite thing to do with your father before he was incarcerated?
Ava: I loved to go swimming with him. I remember the different games we used to play including Marco Polo and Sharks and Minnows.
Q: What were your initial feelings when you learned that your dad was going to be incarcerated?
Joshua: At first, I was dumbstruck. I could not believe that for the next nine years that I would be without my father. It was really hard to accept that he would be gone for the rest of my childhood.
Q: What was your first visit like?
Ava: My first visit was really surprising because I didn’t expect the visiting room to be so austere and uninviting, but when I sat down to talk all my feelings of fear melted away. It was amazing because it was the first time I had seen my father in a couple of weeks.
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David: On my first visit, I felt scared and wanted to leave. The room was so crowded and loud and I was only five.
Q: How often do you visit?
David: We visit weekly if there isn’t a lockdown. Lockdowns happen frequently and can be heartbreaking, especially when we miss important dates (like birthdays or Thanksgiving).
Q: Walk me through what your normal visit is like.
Joshua: Usually, my mom, siblings, and I leave for the visiting room early in the morning (our visits are on even weekend days, so the day typically alternates each weekend). We have to fill in paperwork and undergo security screening. Then we sit together with our dad and talk about our week and how we feel. Sometimes, we read books and other times we play cards. We eat out lunch from the vending machine.
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Ava: At the beginning, we get wanded by a metal detector. Then, we sit down and talk and catch up with each other. It is hard to hear in the visiting room because we are all crammed in to a small space and everyone is talking, so when one person is talking to Daddy, the others sometimes read.
Q: Do you have one single standout memory of visiting your dad that makes you smile?
David: You are only allowed to hug once when you arrive and once when you leave. Through the years I’ve always taken a running leap into his arms. Daddy always catches me and gives me a huge hug – even though I’m a lot bigger now than I used to be!
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Ava: I remember making paper “hot air balloons” in the visiting room (We use the visitor forms that you have to fill in when you arrive.)
Joshua: Getting to visit my dad and share a birthday where we have a tradition of sharing a terrible vending machine cupcake!
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Q: How do you stay connected in-between visits?
Joshua: Emails are helpful and phone calls allow us to catch-up. We regularly send my dad my schoolwork or artwork so that he can see what I am doing at school. We also try to send photos, especially after major events (Christmas, birthdays, graduations, etc.)
Q: How has Coronavirus affected your communication with your dad?
Joshua: My dad’s phone time is very restricted and we haven’t been able to visit for about 45 days. Not knowing if he is safe is disheartening.
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David: It has stopped visits which means I don’t have the chance to give him hugs anymore.